Imagine a cat jumping from the top of a corner cupboard, across the room to a free standing bird cage, in such a manner that the motion of the cat is uniform and in a straight line.   If I, the pet dog, observe the flight of the cat as I walk across the dining room floor, I would find that the motion of the cat would be one of different velocity and direction, but that the flight of the cat would still be uniform and in a straight line.

If I could express that phenomenon abstractly ( and I cannot ), I might say:  If a mass ( cat ) is moving uniformly in a straight line with respect to another co-ordinate system ( bird cage ), then it will also be moving uniformly and in a straight line relative to a second co-ordinate system ( me walking ), provided that I am executing a uniform translatory motion with respect to the bird cage.

I, of course, have no idea how I arrived at that conclusion but I seem to be aware of many things, as you have no doubt surmised by now.

To me, relativity has something to do with ‘pick of the litter’, which I, of course, was.  The relativity of the others born to my mother, to me, is insignificant, for I did not pick me.  Someone else did.

Also, in my uncomplicated world, right now, I am hungry and the relativity of my food dish, to me, is some distance across the room.  Thank goodness it’s not moving because my translatory motion may not be uniform and I could, theoretically, miss the dish.

The Wisdom of Willie Bean

By Press-Register staff

November 09, 2009, 9:02AM

Willie Bean, seen here in 2008, “announced” via his web site that he will be running for mayor of New Orleans.Willie Bean, the canine candidate who made an unsuccessful bid for mayor of Fairhope last fall, is off and running again.

The affable Labrador announced on his Web site recently that he will be a candidate for mayor of New Orleans. The city’s election is May 3, and so far the race to replace term-limited Mayor Ray Nagin has been notable mainly for the number of candidates who have opted not to run.

The lack of serious interest has prompted local write-in campaigns for political guru James Carville and actor Brad Pitt. There’s even a Web site promoting actor Carl Weathers, a.k.a. Apollo Creed from the “Rocky” movies, as a candidate.

Willie is a native of New Orleans and embodies the spirit of the Big Easy, according to his owner, Tress Turner.

“Just like most New Orleanians, Willie never meets a stranger,” said Turner, an artist and manager of the Coffee Loft in Fairhope.

Turner said Willie’s campaign will raise money for the Humane Society of Louisiana and has established local headquarters at the Old Point Bar in Algiers Point. For more information, visit Willie online at www.williebeanformayor.com.

When does the future become the present?  

I know the answer.  My eyes blink in the present then open in the future .  But then it’s the present again.  I amaze myself.

The next example is more complicated.  A $787 billion ‘stimulus’, unread in the past by any representative of us dogs, was reportedly designed to halt the loss of present jobs while creating jobs in the future.   Hasn’t worked yet.  Me and the boys could have done better, at least with the future.  We’d start by appointing an Official Money Counter?  Counting 787 billion anythings would take  a very long time, so we would expect that new job to be permanent.  Then we could say that the Official Money Counter job was actually ‘created’ in the present, for the future.  It didn’t exist in the past.  Now it does.  The score for new jobs creation in the FUTURE would be ONE (1).      

How about an Energy Plan, which presently sits awaiting passage?  Future emissions trading, Crap, Gas & Trade (CG&T), is looming for Fairhope dogs.  Unknown and unaccountable cats will establish acceptable levels for total emissions of dog poops & toots.  Non-compliant dogs, dogs that poop & toot too much, can buy emissions credits from compliant dogs in order to be more non-compliant.  It just takes money…or food.  An emissions offender could trade  a bowl of kibbles and 2 Milk Bones for 1 extra poop in combination with 5 extra toots.   Dog owners will necessarily pay more for kibbles and Milk Bones.  It’s a dubius future, at best.     

Besides, why would cats be allowed to establish acceptable levels of anything?  

Thankfully, no present trader would be allowed to ‘corner the market’ on all future poops OR toots.  After all, dogs need a little of both to maintain a healthy portfolio.   The program awaits approval in the present so that a future Plan Director can be appointed; the Phart Czar.   

Cash for Slackers:  $3 billion earmarked for the future replacement of present non-productive dogs, now already in the past.   If a dog in your pack is not pulling his/her own weight, you may advise the Big House via email, identifying the slacker by name, breed, weight and general physical characteristics, as well as his/her last known location.  A Cash for Slackers  representative will arrive, mach schnell, in a specially equipped truck.  The slacker will be ‘collected and processed’.  A new and more efficient worker dog will be assigned to your pack.  You will be given $4,500 in cash credits against your next visit to the vet, where you’ll be neutered and implanted with your ‘new world chip’ and vaccinated against the old Republic.  Also, you’ll receive prescription drugs to alter your Constitution.  Reimbursement to be forwarded, in the future, following appropriate paperwork.  Don’t hold your breath.  

Health Care:     http://blog.williebeanformayor.com/2009/08/20/world-dog-and-cat-health-plan

Great news for the future!  Dogs will be safe from being shot because people will no longer have guns.  The Blair Holt Firearm Licensing & Record of Sale Act of 2009 (H.R. 45) is set to be the beginning of the end of gun ownership.  Taking off one’s shirt will be the only approved way to bear arms, in the future.  

Are you ready for the future?  Me neither.  Bark up!  Contact your elected officials.   The future is…now.  

The Wisdom of Willie Bean