On Tuesday, January 10, 2009, New Orleans’ woofers lined both sides of Perdido Street, 6 dogs deep, to witness a most unlikely event; the installation of Lucky Dog as Leader of the Pack.

Every dog, whether black, white, red, yellow, spotted or hairless, watched with bursting pride as Lucky Dog stood in front of City Hall for his Coronation, making him the highest ranking dog in New Orleans.  His rise to the top had not been without obstacles.  Heretofore, and as long as any dog could remember, Lucky’s ancestors had been treated with disdain, hostility, even contempt.  Wrongfully, they had often been regarded as inferior and unworthy, and were never even considered for the ‘Leader of the Pack’ position.  Many were unjustly abused.  Many, also, were slain.  It was unfair but it was real.

The disdain had become traditional.  Misunderstandings and untruths were passed from litter to litter.  Repeated acts of prejudice imprinted themselves onto the genetic code; ingrained hatred evolved, nearly impossible to erase.

Lucky was very special, however, blessed with a nose that could detect mood shifts as well as uncommon scents.   His velvet throat and silver tongue bayed to yearning ears.  Lucky had never led another dog (or cat) down any path but he was somehow able to convince most New Orleans canines to abandon their support for other mutts in the race and vote for him.  Lucky Dog promised hope against hope and change from all ‘bad’ things past.  His message was timely.  The street dogs were hungry.  Past leaders were rebuffed.  Lucky Dog was overwhelmingly chosen Number One; THE ONE.

With his crown in place, he uttered words and phrases from ‘on high’ designed to calm the skeptical dogs of dissent.  ‘We have chosen hope over fear, unity of purpose over conflict and discord.’   ‘We must begin again the work of remaking New Orleans.’   Front page next day US Dog Today pictured Lucky Dog above the sprawling headline

LUCKY PLEDGES TO REMAKE NEW ORLEANS

‘We will not apologize for our way of life nor will we waver in its defense,’ said Lucky.   Really?  Really?

Lucky Dog continued on Coronation Day, ‘Let it be said by our puppies’ puppies that when we were tested we refused to let this journey end, that we did not turn back nor did we falter; and with eyes fixed on the horizon and The Big Dog’s grace upon us, we carried forth that great gift of freedom and delivered it safely to future litters.’

I cried tears of guilty relief.  The underdog had prevailed.  All past inequities, unfairness and injustices were neutralized.   The black dog had risen, no, had been elevated to the top.  The support was unprecedented.  The heartfelt unity was overpowering.  The tears fell and the cheers rose colorlessly together.  It was the moment for which the countryside had waited.  It was magnificent!

New Orleans streets were awash in celebration.  ‘You da Dawg?’ screams careened around City Hall.  Confetti showered down from the rooftops.  Shouts of ‘Greenies for all of dog kind!’.

For days, the dogs of elation wore their cherished garb.  Some donned little doggie caps declaring ‘We were there.’  Others wore red, white and blue collars proudly proclaiming ‘We saw Lucky Dog.’

New Orleans dogs had finally voted for equality.  The hope for this leader’s future was without reservation.

That was then.  This is now.  And these are the lamentations of a Yellow Dog.

What has happened in 12 short months?  Lucky has apologized to the rest of the world for who we are and how we came to be.  He has hung an errant stimulus (debt) over ours and our grand puppies heads.  The World Dog (and cat) Health Plan flies in the face of all who can read or have the spare time to try.  The Lucky Dog Administration now owns car companies & banks.  The Crap, Gas & Trade (CG&T) legislation and its responsible Phart Czar, will raise the cost of electricity in the name of global cooling.  Lucky and his Czars continue their misguided efforts to close Dogtanamo Bay (DTMO).   Guilty terrorist dogs from DTMO are now being given protection under the Constitution of the United States of America while we, the everyday dogs, pay the bills to insure security around the trial court venue.  Leading dogs from other supposed friendly packs now question Lucky’s judgement and strength of will as he waffles and dithers around on enormous decisions; whether to fight or turn tail and run from the usual gang of bully dogs.   The endless apologies for New Orleans dogs’ ways of life; the whimpering, bowing and scraping to dogs from Downtown, Uptown, Mid-City and the rest of Orleans Parish, have become boring and redundant, tedious and trite.  And the eternal blaming of past Leaders of the Pack; great dogs in heaven, Lucky, please stop!

Finally, for now, we will defend our turf for ONLY a designated time.  When that time arrives, win lose of draw, we’ll abandon the fight.  Good grief.

These are but a few of the reasons to mourn and grieve for opportunities lost, for the squandering of hard earned past successes achieved with spilled warm blood and splattered guts.  These are sorrowful milestones.  These are actions of fools and mongrels blinded by ideology, self-interests and the misuse of power.

We the dogs missed the words’ simplistic meanings.  Lucky said them to our face.  They were clearly spoken for us to hear, and written for us to read and understand.  Instead, the pack reacted in unbidden and involuntary trance, swept away by mindless hope and the desire for viable, meaningful change.

Where is the hope now?  The changes suck!

‘We must begin again the work of remaking New Orleans.’  How did we miss that ominous warning?

And thus these lamentations of a Yellow Dog. . . .

The Wisdom of Willie Bean

Willie ‘Every Dog is NOT a King’ Bean.

It’s time for you to keep what you’ve earned.  It’s time for you to STOP big government from stealing your assets.  It’s time for you to give what you will to the dogs (and cats) you so choose.  The forced imposition of the Share Our Wealth Society is finished.  Ideological inspiration and Socialism are kaput.  Financial redistribution won’t play well at the Kennel Club.   Wake up New Orleans!  Read the Constitution of the United States of America.

Elect the NEW BREED Willie ‘Every Dog is not a King’ Bean Roscoe P. Coltrane.  Get spending under control with Ropes & Chains you can believe in.

Also, send Money and Greenies to Willie’s campaign headquarters…

By Press-Register staff

November 09, 2009, 9:02AM

Willie Bean, seen here in 2008, “announced” via his web site that he will be running for mayor of New Orleans.Willie Bean, the canine candidate who made an unsuccessful bid for mayor of Fairhope last fall, is off and running again.

The affable Labrador announced on his Web site recently that he will be a candidate for mayor of New Orleans. The city’s election is May 3, and so far the race to replace term-limited Mayor Ray Nagin has been notable mainly for the number of candidates who have opted not to run.

The lack of serious interest has prompted local write-in campaigns for political guru James Carville and actor Brad Pitt. There’s even a Web site promoting actor Carl Weathers, a.k.a. Apollo Creed from the “Rocky” movies, as a candidate.

Willie is a native of New Orleans and embodies the spirit of the Big Easy, according to his owner, Tress Turner.

“Just like most New Orleanians, Willie never meets a stranger,” said Turner, an artist and manager of the Coffee Loft in Fairhope.

Turner said Willie’s campaign will raise money for the Humane Society of Louisiana and has established local headquarters at the Old Point Bar in Algiers Point. For more information, visit Willie online at www.williebeanformayor.com.

 It’s official!  The Old Point Bar is located in historic Algiers Point, New Orleans just minutes from the French Quarter by ferry.  Dog friendly and Willie Bean ready!  Tshirts, signs, bumper stickers and more!  Live music and great New Orleans attitudes!  How much more can a Big Dog ask for?

Where y’at?

Lucas (Lukey), a Battles Wharf Designer Dog, has been named PHART CZAR of Fairhope, new Plan Director for the proposed Crap, Gas & Trade legislation designed to establish acceptable future levels of dog poops and toots.   Believe me, he has earned the title.  The PHART CZAR will identify emission offenders, dogs who poop and toot excessively, as well as their compliant counterparts.  The output of non-compliant large emission producers will be averaged with non-offenders to ascertain punishment or reward, depending.  While actual dog crap should be measureable and recordable, gas releases will remain more enigmatic, if not aromatic, and somewhat difficult to quantify.  That will be the PHART CZAR’s biggest challenge, CFM notwithstanding.   

He must hold his head high, nose to the wind and follow each trail every scent of the way.  Even so, the task may still overcome him.

The Dog Czars of Fairhope

The Big Dog Jumps into the New Orleans Mayoral Race

Willie Bean Roscoe P Coltrane, a New Orleans native, announces his run for mayor, bringing with him a fresh approach to politics and a mission to bring economic and environmental renewal to the city.Willie embodies the Spirit of New Orleans in many ways and his leadership is characterized by honesty, loyalty, and integrity. He loves the New Orleans culture and people and strongly believes in being active in the community. Deeply committed to a New Orleans renaissance, Willie only does his business locally. He epitomizes the possibilities of the great American Dream.

Robert E. Lee, a King Charles Spaniel, has been appointed ARF CZAR of Fairhope.  ‘Robbie’ is the overly friendly Greeter at Zia, 300 Fairhope Avenue.  He’s a real big talker, thus ARF CZAR.  He is also a real ‘Piece of Work’ which qualified him for the Fairhope Piece Prize.   Robby has ascended to the heights, nearly, of Lucky Dog, the Leader of the Pack.  The similarities are astounding; a Big Talking Piece Prize Winner.

Robbie’s best friend and playmate, Hope, is a big black cat.  That’s cool…

The Dog Czars of Fairhope

No such thing.  Most dogs are born perfect.  We exist, then we seek food, not the essence of self.  

I had a large Great Dane friend named Kierkegaard, who conceptualized about the meaninglessness of life itself.  He developed a dread of nothingness; angst.  For him, angst equaled  barking at nothing, or possibly worried about barking at nothing; a nondirectional emotion.  

I’ll try to explain.  When I walk on the levy to the Algiers Ferry, I think about the ride across to the City and go over my plan on where I will position myself. That is actual fear of falling into the Mississippi River.  I call it the muddy river fear.  On the other hand, Kierkegaard always dreaded of the possibility that he might throw himself over the side and into the water.  He worried about nothing.  It was ‘makeup worry’; angst.

Can you imagine a bigger waste of time and energy?  He should have been learning about trucks.

Angst precedes nothing.  That’s what makes it different from fear.  Fear has an object and can be overcome with courage.  Fear is not a bad thing but don’t confuse ‘no fear’ with courage.  I knew a dog with no fear.   He also had never seen a truck.   The barking fool ran in, challenged the bumper and now sits close to The Big Dog above.  He was fearless but lacked the wisdom of TRUCK and now, he’s dead.  A dog who lacks fear can be more dangerous to himself, and others, than a coward.

Fear is normal in the face of fearful things.  A dog must be afraid once in awhile, face and overcome the challenge, then move on.  In doing so, he or she develops the confidence to face the next fearful challenge.  After a little practice, courage takes root deep within the soul and allows a dog to advance or retreat based upon acquired wisdom.  

Real courage has intelligent direction so hold your ground but not in the path of an oncoming TRUCK.  

I have a hard time with the whole concept of nondirectional emotion.  I really don’t care what it means and I’m not going to worry about it because it’s nothing to me.  And you should have figured out by now that if I worry about nothing, I will have disproven my lack of awareness of the concept of dread.  

Existentially speaking, I dread that happening.  Thanks a lot, Kierkegaard.

The Wisdom of Willie Bean

Mmm, mmm, mm!
Willie Bean of Bama

He said that he was just the one
To make Fairhope a bit more fun.
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Willie Bean of Bama.

He ran for mayor, almost won
And Kant you see the job’s not done.
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Willie Bean of Bama.

He said more politics remain
So watch him launch a new campaign.
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Willie Bean of Bama.

Help put this dog back in the fight
And turn all wrongs back into right
Mmm, mmm, mm!
Willie Bean of Bama.

Mmm, mmm, mm!

The Wisdom of Willie Bean.