When does the future become the present?  

I know the answer.  My eyes blink in the present then open in the future .  But then it’s the present again.  I amaze myself.

The next example is more complicated.  A $787 billion ‘stimulus’, unread in the past by any representative of us dogs, was reportedly designed to halt the loss of present jobs while creating jobs in the future.   Hasn’t worked yet.  Me and the boys could have done better, at least with the future.  We’d start by appointing an Official Money Counter?  Counting 787 billion anythings would take  a very long time, so we would expect that new job to be permanent.  Then we could say that the Official Money Counter job was actually ‘created’ in the present, for the future.  It didn’t exist in the past.  Now it does.  The score for new jobs creation in the FUTURE would be ONE (1).      

How about an Energy Plan, which presently sits awaiting passage?  Future emissions trading, Crap, Gas & Trade (CG&T), is looming for Fairhope dogs.  Unknown and unaccountable cats will establish acceptable levels for total emissions of dog poops & toots.  Non-compliant dogs, dogs that poop & toot too much, can buy emissions credits from compliant dogs in order to be more non-compliant.  It just takes money…or food.  An emissions offender could trade  a bowl of kibbles and 2 Milk Bones for 1 extra poop in combination with 5 extra toots.   Dog owners will necessarily pay more for kibbles and Milk Bones.  It’s a dubius future, at best.     

Besides, why would cats be allowed to establish acceptable levels of anything?  

Thankfully, no present trader would be allowed to ‘corner the market’ on all future poops OR toots.  After all, dogs need a little of both to maintain a healthy portfolio.   The program awaits approval in the present so that a future Plan Director can be appointed; the Phart Czar.   

Cash for Slackers:  $3 billion earmarked for the future replacement of present non-productive dogs, now already in the past.   If a dog in your pack is not pulling his/her own weight, you may advise the Big House via email, identifying the slacker by name, breed, weight and general physical characteristics, as well as his/her last known location.  A Cash for Slackers  representative will arrive, mach schnell, in a specially equipped truck.  The slacker will be ‘collected and processed’.  A new and more efficient worker dog will be assigned to your pack.  You will be given $4,500 in cash credits against your next visit to the vet, where you’ll be neutered and implanted with your ‘new world chip’ and vaccinated against the old Republic.  Also, you’ll receive prescription drugs to alter your Constitution.  Reimbursement to be forwarded, in the future, following appropriate paperwork.  Don’t hold your breath.  

Health Care:     http://blog.williebeanformayor.com/2009/08/20/world-dog-and-cat-health-plan

Great news for the future!  Dogs will be safe from being shot because people will no longer have guns.  The Blair Holt Firearm Licensing & Record of Sale Act of 2009 (H.R. 45) is set to be the beginning of the end of gun ownership.  Taking off one’s shirt will be the only approved way to bear arms, in the future.  

Are you ready for the future?  Me neither.  Bark up!  Contact your elected officials.   The future is…now.  

The Wisdom of Willie Bean